Lord how I miss singing. For over twenty years I was constantly in one choir or another, frequently multiples. Those days are over for now. I haven't been in any choir for two years, and for the six years before that I wasn't in any standing choir worth the name, though I did participate in two special event choirs during that time.
It's been so bad that when I got to sing with the Cathedral Choir of St. Paul at the installation of the new Bishop of Iowa, I found I had tears streaming down my face for about half the service because it had simply been so long since I'd really been able to cut loose and SING. In my home church choir before we moved, I had to throttle way back to avoid overpowering the rest of the choir (all three of them). Also, since I was the director, I had a lot of other things going on that I needed to be doing and thinking about. Truth to tell, I don't want to do any of that stuff, or I'd be in a church choir now. Unfortunately they don't seem to work out for me. Trained singers are rare in church choirs, trained musicians who can do piano, and organ, and direct are scarce enough that no church I've started singing with has been able to just let me sing, which is all I really want to do. So I've learned to leave them alone.
But I was able to sing on Christmas, and it was wonderful.
I found a little local Episcopal church with a midnight carol service, let S watch the boys, and I went. And safely anonymous in the middle of a congregation of strangers, I sang. I did descants - Silent Night, The First Noel, Away in a Manger - it was wonderful. As far as I can tell, only one person figured out who the singer was, and she was plainly enjoying it. Even better, singing a solo descant against a full congregation I could really cut loose. My voice, a liability in a small choir, where it tends to cut through and over the other singers, does perfectly when asked to be audible against a crowd. I haven't enjoyed singing like this in two years - since our last Christmas service in Iowa, where again I did descants, and one solo piece.
Next Christmas I may find a different church and do it again.